How do I even begin to summarize the last 45 days?
Well, that’s for another post in two days. But for today, I can tell you that I am terrified.
Writing a book or attempting to is like taking out an investment on yourself and hoping against all odds the investment pays off.
Sometimes it happens in 45 days, other times it takes a few years.
Through this process I broke down crying a few times, and by the gods of Neptune, I needed it.
I get so scared of putting myself out there, because I am worried that the image I have of myself is nowhere close to who I am. Some days I feel like I have to keep reintroducing myself to the person in the mirror, so I don’t forget.
And now, I am terrified that my writing won’t be good enough in the sea of writers. I fear that I might start to compete with them, when all I want to do is build a community of writers who can lift each other up.
So what did I do today?
I hid from my story. Hell, even right now, I want to go back into hiding so that my soul can cry some more.
I am so exhausted.
Today, I thought about changing my name and disappearing to some fishing village in the Polynesian triangle.
But then I thought about how I have lived all my life scared and barely surviving. I want to live.
So I will keep writing until my story is done, then I will write a new story.
Word count: 37,514 words, just 12,486 words short of the goal.
See you tomorrow, friends.
Jona Nightingale 