I have been keeping it a secret that, for the last two and a half years, I went back to finish my degree. Originally, I started in Neuroscience, but switched over to Psychology. Though, I still have an unhealthy obsession with the brain.
I wanted to pursue my education without the pressure of finishing or doing good. If I am being honest, I had a lot of unhealthy ideas about being a high achiever to unlearn. I had to get really comfortable with making anything less than 100% on each assignment. Lol, I still make mostly 95% or higher in my classes in the last few years.
I get it, that’s a really high standard to keep myself at, but it was the most leeway I was able to give myself.
Yes, I definitely broke down crying a few times. In the first year of being back in school, I was homeless and unemployed. Not much have changed on that front, and isn’t it ridiculous of thinking, “I can’t let homelessness stop me from getting a 97% on this paper.”
But those were the thoughts I had in the past few years. Through, homelessness, assault, heartbreak, abuse, unmedicated, and unemployed, I made it to the end.
Do I get a reward?
I wish, now, to do some job hunting because I only have enough emergency funds to make it a bit further. (If you want to contribute to that emergency fund, you can leave me a tip on my Kofi.)
I had to drop out of college because I wasn’t able to transfer due to the job that was going to help me pay for my education was a scam. My ex-husband didn’t think it was necessary to get a degree because of my disability and well his mother never got a degree.
Yeah, absolute bullshit.
Taking all that anger and rage, I used it to fuel me through hard days when I didn’t want to do homework.
To be fair, I was also fortunate to either stay with family, friends, or partners in the past two and a half years as I was in school. More than anything, even if I no longer talk to any of them, I am grateful that for one moment in my infinite existence, I mattered enough to be cared for. It was nice.
Was I, the perfect morsel of humanity? I doubt it. If anything, I have no idea how to quantify my experience since it was such an outlier.
Either way, here I am standing in front of you, screaming, “I GRADUATED WITH MY BACHELOR’S OF SCIENCE IN PSYCHOLOGY!”
I feel proud. I can do hard things, and that’s absolutely amazing.
Jona Nightingale 