You smell of unknown things – A poem

An excerpt from Screaming in the Forest by Jona Nightingale (me)

I have told myself a thousand times to close that door

The one love, a fragile emotion, seems to walk through

Because it is now too painful to feel in the depths of my soul

I feel like I am failing at that small single act of resistance

Curling up inside myself just enough to still let the light in

Hiding means I am scared of love, but I am not scared of it

I am terrified of the moment my mind looks at another person 

And screams to me, it has to be them, with them, we will find love

The jumbling of thoughts and emotion, the feeling of breathing after eternity

I have known love, but you smell of unknown things

My heart beats quickly and sometimes out of my chest 

My hands want to hold yours and then pull you close to me 

I want to snuggle under your skin, closer than any others

Tears stream down my face because there are scarier things that death

Love terrifies me because I might crumble again, I might fail 

I don’t have the words to say that I don’t have it in me for another broken heart

Taking a deep breath in, I have to look into your eyes and tell you the truth

Perhaps you might find better love elsewhere, somewhere safer for your existence

I want to scream as I try to push you away, tell you to look for someone else

Even while hoping against all odds that you will tell me how foolish I am 

For a moment, I hope you cling to me and show me your heart that shapes like me

I hold my breath and wish on all the stars above that you might love me like I love you

Crying out my heart, it feels like nothing makes sense if I try to peel back the layers

Showing you that my heart can beat again, and I am alive if you look deep into my eyes

I crave to tell you that you smell like unknown things, and I am honored to know you

Maybe it is the hope that springs into my chest when I look at your smile at night

Though I fear it is something beyond my touch, I fear that it is your existence

I take in a deep breath and lean towards the aura of who you are and who you are meant to be

Potential saunters all over your bronze skin and I want to hold you close to me 

Whispering all the promises in the world, if only you would look at me with devotion 

I am tempted to hide myself away from you, never to see you for who you are 

But the sight of you enthralls me, the whisks of your soul encompass me

Even if I am supposed to be scared and terrified, I want to try loving if it means something

I bow my head in my hands and whisper, then shout out the truth that I tried to bury

Loving you feels like breathing, it’s fresh air in my lungs after diving too deep

Opening my heart to you feels like taking on the world for one last time 

I dread each moment of this unraveling of myself, showing you pieces of myself

How am I supposed to breathe out when you can’t breathe in the air from my lungs

You smell of unknown things, untamed and wild, and I want to fill my lungs

You can get a copy of this poem and more with your purchase of my latest poetry collection, Screaming in the Forest

With love,

Jona