The Ruler Knows Your Name – A Poem about Assault

Hello all, this poem is from my latest poetry collection called Screaming in the Forest. It is about assault, a very in the moment thing. It was written in 2023 from a time I was assaulted, unfortunately not the first or last. 

I have posted a video of me reading it on my TiKTok and Instagram, if you want to hear what it sounds like.

Please know that it doesn’t make you weak or a horrible person to have survived this, it makes you so incredibly strong to continue to fight to protect your body, even when others try to take that right and dignity away from you. 

This poem and others like it are a part of my latest collection, Screaming in the Forest. You can find the ebook on sale in my Ko‑fi Shop! 

Lots of Love, 

Jona

The Ruler Knows Your Name

I feel traces of resentment building on the edges of my smile 

“Is this okay?” He asks, but not for the first time or the last 

I should say no, I should push his hands away and leave 

“Yes.” I lean back with uncertainty, feeling my heart screaming

Biles of regret find its way to my throat and I want to scream 

I should say no, I should have said no, but now it’s too late

I have found myself in hell or its tactile equivalent 

Weaving lies of how I need to be nice to the person 

Who holds my body still as he robs me of my dignity 

Kisses line my neck and I wish to sew those lips shut

To stand my ground and unleash my growing rage

But I say nothing, making myself smaller with each moment 

I have been in this place before, held down by the weight 

Of believing I should just let it happen and be done 

Of screaming in my head that we should leave and nothing 

“Someone died,” I say with the lingering resolve to change 

He pauses his assault on me and for a moment I think it will work 

Tears swell in my eyes and pull together my trauma into my throat

A sob leaks out, and I tell myself that it has to work, please let it work

I shiver with a release of power and certainty that this will not be my story

“Are you okay?” He asks as if human again and not a monster

“No.” I say it for the first today and I feel the power grow in me

I pull back from his attempt to embrace me and crouch

Ready to bolt for the doors, my words linger on my tongue

Have I ever felt this ready for change to take hold of me 

I hum to myself and I rock back and forth remembering the child 

I used to be, the one covered in bruises at my father’s fury 

“No.” I repeat the words until he is more scared for himself than I am

Pulling myself to stand, I leave, sobbing with my phone in my hand 

I leave, and I never look back at the monster who robbed me that day 

I speak his name for one last time as I spit into the dirt below my feet

He is now marked for my revenge, for the ruler knows his name 

It is carved into the slab on his gravestone, where it belongs 

I refuse to remain that small child, still crying their eyes out 

Still hoping for someone to hear my screams in the dark 

Now the pain recedes and I don’t have to cower in shame 

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